


Nothing But Potential

by Lord_Marielle



Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout 4
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Brotherhood Ending, Drug Use, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2018-12-24 10:57:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12011268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lord_Marielle/pseuds/Lord_Marielle
Summary: Shit, I think to myself. If someone would have told me a dangerously stunning Brotherhood Sentinel would be under my arm and looking up at me with wide hazel eyes this morning, I would want whatever chems they got their hands on. Hell, right now I am wondering what the fuck I had today.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was just writing this for myself, but I decided to throw it up here. Constructive criticism is welcomed. This is my first fic, so just be honest! :) Apologies in advance for any grammar/editing issues.

So much has changed since the last time I stepped through the doors of Goodneighbor. I was fresh out of Vault 111, still clad in my vault-suit and tried to rob the Mayor with Bobbi-no-nose. I smile to myself as I approach the door, _if only the vault-dweller could see me now._ My scar ridden face, my particularly unladylike haircut, and a full set of Brotherhood combat armor paired with a BOS Sentinel uniform… I am a different person now, and I can’t say I’m proud of the person I’ve become. After stopping the Institute and wiping the Railroad off the map, I am only left with patrol missions, reconnaissance, and overwhelming guilt. I sigh deeply, and try to push the thoughts of Shaun in his deathbed out of my mind…

The familiar Goodneighbor neon sign hums and the light softly flickers as I entered. I am greeted with silence and can’t help but feel surprised. But I suppose even a settlement with a reputation like Goodneighbor still sleeps. I let my rifle fall out of my hands and hang on my back as I make my way to The Third Rail. I give a firm nod to the bodyguard at the entrance, and make my way downstairs.

I am welcomed with gentle red lighting, the smell of booze and a haze of cigarette smoke. I make a beeline to the bar and have a seat. Charlie hovers towards me and asks, “What’s your poison?”

“Whiskey,” I dully respond. As Charlie hovers away to fix my drink, I let my face fall into my hands. The constant chatter around me keeps me distracted only long enough for me to hear a familiar voice.

“Well look who it is…” a raspy voice calls towards me.

Before taking my face out of my palms, I already know who it is. The Mayor, John Hancock. I can’t pretend to be surprised that he is here, considering he owns the place. I look up slowly and meet his inky black eyes, “Hello Mr. Mayor,” I say softly.

“Mind if I join?” He asks, even though he has already taken the stool next to mine. “The usual, Charlie” he beckons. 

I take my drink in my hand and aimlessly stare into it. The last time the Mayor and I spoke, I was rejecting his company. I had my mind set on one task, and that was finding Shaun. He seemed desperate to leave his Mayoral duties, even if it was with a green stranger like me, and I rejected the idea without a second thought. In hindsight, I realize that was selfish of me.

“What brings you back into town?” He asks as he take a sip of his drink.

“Just passing through” I mumble, and then I catch myself. _I’m here to see you, John._

“I wouldn’t have figured you as the Brotherhood type, sister” he smirks as he gestures his drink towards me, “You and your _brothers_ aren’t here to take over Goodneighbor like they have in Diamond City, are they?” the smirk on his face has vanished, and I can’t tell if his words are sour or sarcastic.

 _Takeover_ seemed like a strong word to use, but what else would you call it? Knights just waltzed in and took the Diamond City guard’s jobs. Granted, the guards are still there, but it is hard to look in charge next to a Brotherhood Knight completely suited in power armor while you’re in pre-war baseball equipment. Hancock is looking at me, waiting for a response, and I figure he is looking for a serious one. 

“No one is here to take your city away from you” I try to say reassuringly. I look back over to him, hoping my attempt would soften his eyes.

He lets my answer sit with him for a moment, and takes a small swig of his drink. _He is deciding whether or not he believes me,_ I think to myself. I keep my gaze on him, and I can’t help but admire his red frock coat. It clings to him as if it was made for him… The way ruffles gently prop up and frame his neck perfectly, the vivid blue shirt underneath clinging to his almost too thin chest. He truly does look like he walked right out of a history book. Wear, tear, scars and all.

After scanning over him for another moment, I meet his eyes again. He appears to be unfazed by my wandering eye, but smirks at me once more.

“I suppose I’ll just have to take your word for it,” he plainly says, and then returns his attention to his drink.

I can’t help but feel that I’ve been dismissed. _He doesn’t trust me._ And this bothers me more than it should. But, why does it? Why do I suddenly crave his trust? Telling him to stay behind seems to have haunted me more than I thought, and I can’t help but want to right this wrong while I still have the chance.

“Were you still interested in traveling together?” I blurt. I try to not look as taken back by my own words by keeping my gaze on the contents of my glass. I patiently wait for the return the rejection I gave him all those months ago.

“’Just passing through’, you said?” He is clearly amused with my offer, as he stifles a small laugh, “Seems to me you’ve came down from your ship to pull me away to have me all to yourself,” he smiles at me wickedly.

 _Ah, he is teasing me._ Now he knows I’ve only come here to see him. That makes me sound a little desperate, but at this moment, I only want him to agree, “I suppose I’ve been caught,” I smile at my own words. _I only walked through those gates in the hopes of seeing you again._ I want him to know that, but I can bring myself to tell him. We are just strangers. _Right?_

“A Ghoul and a proud Brotherhood Sentinel,” he catches my surprised look. Either he is familiar with the Brotherhood ranked uniforms, or he has been keeping taps on me… _Maybe he has been waiting for me to._ But he just smiles and continues, “sounds like my kind of Freakshow.”

My shoulders noticeable relax, and I let out an audible sigh of relief and smile, “I don’t plan on heading out until tomorrow. I need to purchase some supplies, recharge my batteries,” I attempt to casually sip my whiskey and hide my excitement to be traveling with someone outside of the Brotherhood. I can already see Danse’s face of disapproval.

“Whenever you’re ready. I just need to give a few words to my people before we leave, let them know that I’ll be leaving, but remind them who’s still in charge,” his tone suggests he is eager to be back out there.

He reaches into his pockets and pulls out a small tin of Mentats. He opens it and pops one under his tongue, and I catch myself distracted again. _Wow_ , is the only word I can think of. Only Hancock could make a drug addiction look good. He closes his eyes, and I can only assume he is taking in and enjoying his high. I rip my eyes away, and down the rest of my drink.

I glance down at my Pip-Boy and scroll towards my map, 1 _2:38am._  This is as good as a time as any to head to Rexford Hotel, and sleep in something other than a bed roll on the ground in some random, abandoned building. _Or,_ before I say something regrettable to the Mayor.

In one fluid motion, I stand up and have my eyes focused on the exit, “I’m turning in, and I’ll see you in the mornin—” before I can even make a step towards the stairs, Hancock’s hand is firmly around my wrist. Instinctively, I wanted to rip my arm away, but I just glance down at my wrist and slowly look back up at Hancock.

“You’re turnin’ in already?” he flashes his teeth at me with a devilish smile. I can’t help but stare at him, dumbfounded. _How many times is he going to catch me off guard tonight?_ A few seconds pass before he continues, “it’s been months, and I think you could at least catch me up on Danny’s adventures.” He stands up, with his hand still around me wrist, and steps closer to me.

If he had a nose, it would brush against mine. “It’s the least you can do, since you wouldn’t have me along to see for myself,” his breath smelled like sickly sweet berry mentats, but his tone remained light. But, in the back of my head I feel there is some truth behind his words. I truly did let him down that day, when I left Goodneighbor and didn’t bother returning until now. _I’m a selfish bitch._

I clear my throat awkwardly and reply softly, “I suppose that’s fair.”

He drops my wrist, and I immediately feel the absence. Hancock turns to Charlie, asking for liquor. And just as quickly, he turns to me and smiles at the two bottles and two glasses in his hands. He then nods his head over to a back, private room and begins walking towards it.

My heart races at the thought of what words will be exchanged behind those walls. I am not sure what scares me more, being along with the man – ghoul, rather – that I’ve been longing to see, or having to tell him the vile shit I’ve done for the Brotherhood. I would end our journey together before it even began, because he will see me for what I’ve become. No longer a hopeful, non-violent vault dweller, but the kind of entitled tyrant he actively boasts against being.

By the time I leisurely drag my feet to the back room, Hancock already has the drinks and glasses set on the coffee table in front of the couch and is holding the door open for me. I step into the room and everything has a pink haze, its somehow both brighter and darker in this room than it was at the bar.

I hear the door softly click close behind me and Hancock’s heavy boots making their way to the couch. I follow him and sit a comfortable distance away from him on the couch. The outside chatter is muffled, and the silence between us as Hancock pours our drinks, is unnerving.

He hands me my drink and as I take it, his fingers gently brush across mine. My breath hikes at the contact, and I try to play it off. Hancock, again, is unfazed. He isn’t blind, and he is going to catch on to these new mannerisms I’m developing each time he catches me off guard. He continues to ignore it, and take his drink in his hand and leans back on to the couch, angled towards me.

We hold gazes for a long moment before I can’t take much more of the silence, “so, what do you want to hear?” I say casual, or attempt to say casually as I take a sip of my drink.

He swallows a mouthful of whiskey before answering, “did you find what you were looking for?”

My eyes widen. I’m surprised he remembers, I only briefly spoke about how I was searching for something… Someone. I hold my drink in my lap with both hands, and find myself looking back into it. I sigh softly and begin, “I did, I was looking for my son.” My gaze meets Hancock’s, and I can tell I’ve finally done something to catch him off guard, but I continue.

I tell Hancock that I found Shaun not just at the Institute, but the Institute’s leader. I tell him how Shaun chose to let me out of the vault as some kind of _experiment_. How Shaun was using me as his ground agent not moments after we met… And how Shaun wanted me to take his place as leader when he passed _._

I wasn’t sure if it was the drinks or if Hancock’s presence that made my lips loose but, I even went on to say that Shaun was blood, but he was so far gone, so invested in the Institute and convinced he was doing right by humanity, that there is no way he was any son of mine.

Hancock just sat there and listened to me with a soft, but interested expression as he refills my glass that is suddenly empty. He didn’t even flinch when I told him that with the help of the Brotherhood, I blew the Institute to nothing with my son and his life work still in there.

Hancock’s eyes were on me when I looked up at him, I felt a burning in the corners of my eyes. He had a look on his face, he looked both concerned and sorry for me. He moved closer to me and places a comforting hand on my thigh. He just says, “I’m sorry, sister” coolly.

This time, his touch doesn’t catch me off guard, but it still sent shocks to my heart. Without thinking, I gently put my hand on top of his and squeezed, “you’d be the first,” I say quietly. I suddenly felt a weight off my shoulders, and a deep appreciation for Hancock’s comfort. “Everyone at the Brotherhood just congratulated me for ‘our’ victory, for humanities’ victory, but no one thought twice about how I just killed my son.”  

“The Brotherhood is blinded by their own ideals, and they would tear down anyone who got in their way,” Hancock says coldly as he keeps his eyes locked with mine. 

I hold his gaze and dare to slowly trace my fingers along his knuckles. I feel the groves of his scars, and how pleasantly rough he is, “you’re not wrong. I was never quite sure if they were dedicated for the right reasons.”

I can hear a smile in Hancock’s voice when he says, “oh, _that’s_ clear, since you came back to the ground to meet up with a ghoul.” Hancock keeps his hand firmly planted on my thigh, and seems to welcome my touch.

“I’ve traveled further for less” I chuckle, and so does Hancock. He also gives my thigh a gentle squeeze as he laughs, and this makes my heart ache.

“Tell me what you’ve been up to Mr. Mayor,” I smile and I welcome the sudden lightness in the air and the change of subject. I inch closer to him and begin to long for more than just a hand on my thigh.

He sighs and sinks back into the couch, “I’ve been holed up in my office, deciding what goes on the backs of Brahmin,” he says, bored just thinking about it. “Mayoral duties ain’t as exciting as you’d think.”

“Starting tomorrow, you’ll be begging for another boring day at the office” I retort quickly with a smirk.

“Is life with you that exciting, _Danielle?_ ” He squeezes my thigh again and gives me a glance out of the corner of his eye. I can’t help but bite my lower lip at his use of my full name.

 _How many drinks have I had? Is he flirting with me, or am I flirting with him?_ “I guess there is only one way to find out,” I say just above a whisper.

He lets out a hoarse laugh, and pours us another drink. Being in his presence alone is intoxicating, and with the literal intoxication going on… I am not sure how much longer I can do without saying, or doing something regrettable. I can feel the world around me blur, and I don’t know if I am exaggerating when I notice the effort he is taking to not move his hand from my leg. It’s like he doesn’t want to move it because he is unsure if another opportunity will raise where its appropriate to put it back.

I accept my newly refilled drink from him, and decide now is a good as a time as any to make a fool out of myself. _When will be alone like this again?_ Once we hit the road, carelessness won’t be an option.

Steadily, I close the small remaining gap between us on the couch so our thighs are pressed up against each other. I can feel Hancock’s eyes on my cheeks for a moment too long, studying me. But he quickly regains his composure and wraps his arm around me and gently pulls me closer.

Now I can tell this move was intentional, now I can reasonably consider he might long for my touch as I long for his. I, again, begin to question how much I’ve had to drink, and why I am suddenly feeling this way towards this man I barely know. I could blame it on something surface level, like his charisma or his confidence, but I know it is something deeper than that that is drawing me to him…

I decide to look up at him to see if I can find what it is I am looking for, and I am met with his gaze back down at me. I try to read his eyes, but its turns out it is exceptionally hard to read eyes that seem to burn with blackness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: added a better chapter ending

_Shit,_ I think to myself. If someone would have told me a dangerously stunning Brotherhood Sentinel would be under my arm and looking up at me with wide hazel eyes this morning, I would want whatever chems they got their hands on. Hell, right now I am wondering what the fuck I had today.

I can only stare back into her eyes, because I can’t even begin to think what I should say to her

But, I didn’t have to consider it very long. I watch her hand raise to hover over my cheek. Her eyes suddenly seemed unsure, trying to decide if this was okay. Judging by how she was thumbing circles into my hand not too long ago, I decide that she wants to know how the rest of me feels like.

I use my free hand to press hers against my cheek. _She is so soft._ Danielle’s pre-war skin against my rough, irradiation burns is a day and night contrast. I half expected her to pull her hand away in shock or disgust, but she gently cups my cheek and lightly smiles at me. I gently lean into her hand, but keep a watchful eye on her.

I can hear my pulse in my ears throbbing and feel the Mentats from earlier wearing off. It is getting noticeable harder to keep my nerves down. A hand on my face shouldn’t get me this wound up, but the slight pink tinge of her cheeks suggests she feels the same.

We hold like this for a few moments too long, and it takes every bone in my body to resist brushing my thumb against her full, pouty lips. _That would send her running._ I watch her gaze soften as she begins to caress my cheek with her thumb. She is unfazed by the rough and callused skin under her hand, she seems to enjoy it. 

Or maybe I am letting my imagination get too far ahead of itsself. We both collectively downed more than one bottle of whiskey, and we are both far too buzzed to be thinking straight. But damn, part of me wants to soak up every possible moment while her guard is down. No way a girl as beautiful as her would want anything to do with an ugly mug like mine.

For a moment, my mind takes a turn and goes even further. _How could she even want this?_ She is still Brotherhood, after all. How could she proudly show up with the ghoul at her side and take that judgement from her _brothers in arms_.

But didn't she come all the way down to Goodneighbor just to see me? _No, she didn't say that_ , I remind myself. _She didn’t exactly say it, but she definitely hinted at it_.

“Hey,” she urgently whispers. When I snap myself out of my trumoil, I am met with an unexpected warmth in her stare. She continues, “is this still okay?” she presses. Her eyes quickly dart down to what remains of my lips and back up to my eyes.

 _I’m definitely drunk_.

I know exactly what she is planning and suddenly any thought of her motives or what the future will hold for us vanishes, because she is leaning in closer. As she leans, she gently slides her hand to the nape of my neck to gently pulls me towards her. I watch her close her eyes, and I can only follow her lead. She gently presses her lips against mine with one, slow kiss. 

Her breath hikes after that single kiss, like it took all her effort to pull away. Her eyes are back on me and she seems to be searching, or waiting for me to comment. I could only reply with wide eyes and a puzzled look.

But now that I had a feel for her incredibly soft lips, I struggled matching her restraint. My blood was boiling, and the hotness of her hand on the back of my neck was peeling away the last bit of control I had. With her still so close I could practically feel her warm radiating off of her. I met her lips again. A gentle hum escapes her lips as we kiss, and the world around me begins to slow.

 _I want you closer,_ I decide. I put my hand on the small of her back, and pull her onto my lap. Once I feel her weight against me, I break our kiss and open my eyes. She looks back at me, bewildered and with a crooked smile on her face. She wraps an arm around my neck and gently removes my tricorn hat with her free hand.

She drunkenly laughs to herself, and in that moment I realize how her face is carefully dotted with freckles. She is absolutely beautiful and she is willingly sitting on my lap. Her gaze drops as she places my hat on the newly empty cushion beside me, and I take this moment to place a hand on her waist, and the other on under her chin.  

I gently tilt her head up so I can get another look into eyes. In this moment, I should have just kissed her. But instead, I just had to ask, “what are you doing?”

Her brows furrow for a moment and I can almost hear the gears in her head turning, she seemed like she was asking herself the same question. This is when I expected her to hop off me and come to realize what she was doing was a mistake, that she was too drunk, and needed to go.

But, she stayed happily planted on my lap with a serene smile on her face. Danielle frames my face with her hands and teases, “what I’ve wanted to do since I laid eyes on you.”

“You could have fooled me,” I say plainly, “the way you left Goodneighbor without a look back.” Her hands dropped from my face immediately, and her face contorts into a frown. I felt my heart drop into my stomach. _Fuck,_ I am not even sure where that came from. I want to take that back, but deep down I know that her rejection left me bitter. _And now she is saying she had feelings for me? She had feelings for me and still decided to leave me behind, without even bothering to come back and show her face once?_

I stare at her, waiting for an explanation. Her eyes are fixed on a point beyond the wall behind me and we let the silence linger between us.

“It was selfish,” she finally breaths. Her stare find my eyes, and I notice how tired her looks. The bags under her eyes suggest she hasn’t slept in days and the frown she is making ages her. “I was so caught up in my own shit, I put everyone else second,” she pauses to brush her fingers against my idle hand, “and now that it’s all over, I can only look back at the _horrible_ decisions I’ve made and the impact they’ve had. There is only so much I can mend… The guilt has been consuming me.”

Her voice cracks, and it dawns on me that she is holding back tears. In a shaky voice she presses on, “I’ve left a trail of destruction behind me… I’ve tried to make it right. I’ve taken my title as General of the Minutemen to heart, to try and atone for all the shit I’ve done.” She inhales sharply, “and I wanted to come back here, just to see you again. And it turns out, I’ve fucked you over too.”

I watch her as she quickly clasps her hand over her mouth to muffle her sobs, and in-between breath she says, “I’m sorry” repeatedly. I know some of those apologies must be directed at me, while the rest are meant for all the people she claims to have stepped on. _What has she done to leave her so broken?_ I haven’t met a single Brotherhood member with a conscience.

I continue to watch her and I feel a bit shitty for dragging this confession out of her but, it seems she needed to say it and I can’t help but relate to her troubles.

I remove her hand from her mouth and hold it tightly, “I’m no stranger to guilt, sister” I begin. _The ghouls from Diamond City… Vic’s victims…_ They still haunt me, but I continue, “and I’ve been where you are.” I chuckle darkly, “Hell, I’m still trying to work through my own shit.” _Where am I going with this?_ “I don’t mean to be too hard on you Danny, I am sure you have your share of unforgiveable shit like everyone in the Commonwealth. But if you’re trying to balance the scale, I won’t hold your disappearance from my life against you… As long as you don’t do it again.”

She looks at me with wide, bloodshot eyes and a tear stained face. Somehow, even after such a violent cry, she still looks adorable. I bring my hand to her cheek and attempt to brush the dampness away. This brings a smile to her face and she whispers, “I promise, John.”


	3. Chapter 3

Its early enough that the sun is teasing the Commonwealth skyline with oranges and pinks, and the streets of Goodneighbor are just starting to bustle with drifters and residents. I picked up some supplies from Kill or Be Killed, and decide to wait for Hancock just outside on the benches. To pass the time, I light a cigarette and soak up the pleasant breeze before it is replaced with another long, irradiated Summer day.

I close my eyes and breath out smoke from my nose. My mind wanders to the night before. You would think I would feel a tinge of a headache from a hangover, but any potential hangover is replaced with me replaying last night, over and over. I flick ashes from my cigarette and bring it back up to my lips as his words ring in my head… _Just don’t do it again._ This makes my heart flutter and I carelessly end up choking on smoke. As I regain my composure and try to realign my thoughts, I see a crowd starting to hoard at the end of the state house.

With my curiosity peeked, I stand up and drop my cigarette to stomp the flame out. After a twist of my ankle, I begin walking towards the crowd. But by the time I make it to the crowd, it seems to have doubled. _This must be everyone in town_ , I think to myself, shocked. Everyone’s face is beaming, they were absolutely absorbed. It only took me a few short seconds to follow the crowd’s gaze up, to see Hancock perched on the State House’s balcony.

I had to snap my jaw shut as it was starting to drop in awe. Hancock looked cinematic; the sun rising putting him in the spotlight and his patrons patiently awaiting his good word. He began, “Look everyone, I’m talking a walk. It’s time for your fearless leader to get back out there. Mix it up in the dirt before I forget what it feels like…” He trails off. He truly sounds hurt, like leaving is more of a need than a want.

Suddenly, a man in a dirty, tan suit not a foot behind me shouts, “you can’t leave, Hancock! We need you!” I can’t help but turn to the man and look mesmerized by his sudden outburst. This is the moment I scan the rest of the crowd; some are nodding in approval of the man and the rest look concerned by the news that their mayor will be leaving. The sudden sadness in the air is tangible, and I can’t decide if I should feel guilty. On one hand, I am pulling him away from his people, but on the other he is willingly leaving what he loves for me.

I’ve never seen Hancock in Mayoral action, and the way these people were looking at him. I never knew the extent of his leadership, how much they cared for their Mayor. I can’t help but feel a ping of jealousy from the trust in the eyes of _his_ people. All my settlements, even after I’ve built them from the ground up, still look at me with skepticism. I quickly push those thoughts from my head, and make a mental note to ask Hancock how to get people to actually like you, and not just use you.

Hancock’s tone grew softer as he responds, “hey, I’ll always be here in spirit, my man.” He pauses for a moment, and gestures toward the crowd, “Goodneighbor and I? We got a connection. But like any hot-and-heavy relationship, sometimes you gotta spend some time apart. Let things cool off,” While speaking, he was scanning the crowd and his eyes find me. I couldn’t quite make out his expression, but I could tell he was smiling from the lightness in his voice, “remind yourself who you are.”

My heart hurt at the unexpected responsibility. I couldn’t tell if he meant that literally, _was he truly putting so much weight on our journey?_ “So that’s why I’m leaving,” directing his attention back to his people, “I’m still your mayor, I’m still gonna be here when you need me, but it’s time for me to stop living so damn comfortable.”

“Because we all know, no one in powers deserves to be comfortable for long! Now, what’s the best town in the Commonwealth? Where can someone live free? With no Judgement?” Hancock begins to cry.

I sense a chant coming on, and this is when I decide to make my escape. It suddenly felt like I’m at party I didn’t have an invitation for. I clearly didn’t belong, and this would be painfully obvious if I just stood there while everyone sang along with Hancock. I swiftly make my way back to the bench I was sitting on earlier and return to my original plan of just waiting for Hancock.  

At this point, I am fully convinced Hancock is too good for me. Hancock’s words were so full of passion, you could feel he meant every word and it was suddenly so clear that he loved his role as Mayor. _He is spellbinding._ I’ve never come across someone so genuine, so compassionate. A far example from Elder Maxson. I had no idea what kind of relationship he had with each resident, but I am sure he has something to say about everyone. Anxiety begins to creep up into my head because it is only a matter of time before he realizes I am his exact opposite, someone that he will grow to hate. I’ve been taking orders for so long, do I even have a mind of my own left? Is there anything left of me I can offer to him? To make him see I am more than other mindless, entitled soldier? I came here to see Hancock, to try and make amends with my past and the people I have cross… I feel my throat tighten as I think to myself, _at least those that are left._   

I can feel myself spiraling into some kind of crisis, some part of me that is being tested since meeting back up with Hancock. But before I fall too deep into my own guilt and despair, my shoulder is tapped. I slowly turn around to be greeted by Hancock’s smile, but I must have a strange look in my eye because his smile fades into confusion. I try and push my unrest out of my head, “some speech there” I try to say cheerfully. I am sure he doesn’t buy it, but he plays along. _To spare me or spare him,_ I wonder.  

“If I up and disappeared without a word, there might be a riot” he chuckles to himself, “ready to get this show on the road?”

I simply nod, and make my way to Goodneighbor’s entrance, the anxiety is dying down as I come to realize this is only temporary. I can’t imagine Hancock wanting to be far from his town more than a few weeks, at most. Though my heart pains to think of when our time will come to an end, part of me hopes it will be over before he figures out what’s truly behind the walls his kind-heartedness and unpretentious personality will break down.   

I shoot a quick glance back at him and think _no._ I won’t let my past eat me alive, but I won’t hide from it from him either. I can’t take back what I’ve done and if Hancock is willing to travel with me, there must be something left. He must see something inside me that is worth saving, or at least it is worth a try. All hope isn’t lost. I smile at Hancock before walking out of Goodneighbor. For the moment, I’ve convinced myself that this will run smoothly.

_At least until he starts asking questions._

 ~

I hold my rifle close to my chest and Hancock is a few paces behind me with his shotgun casually resting over his shoulder. We hit minimal friction throughout the city, only some straggling ferals or hopeless raiders. We are just now making our way out of the ruins of the city, and out onto the open road. The sun has lowered, and now is as good as a time of any to start making plans to find a place to rest for the night.

But, I hesitate. We haven’t spoken anything that wasn’t necessary. Just the occasional _on your left_ or _watch your back_ , but nothing more. Now that our lives aren’t in any immediate danger behind every literal corner, I start to feel like it’s safe to have a conversation. I bite my lip because my mind goes blank.

But I don’t have to think long, in the back of my head I hear a voice saying that I just jinxed us. I stop in my tracks, and I can feel Hancock stiffen behind me as he now holds in shotgun with both hands. “Mutants,” I quietly whisper to him as I begin scanning the area for a place to take cover. I had no interest in trying to take them down. _Super mutants take way too many bullets, and it’s hardly ever worth it._ Its best if we avoid them if we can.

As the pack closes in on us, I can see there is three of them and a mutant hound. I pull my brows together because I know the hound would be the first one to spot us if we don’t move out of the open. Hancock and I must have had the same thought, but he was stepping forward and seemed like he was going to try to go in guns blazing. As much as I would like to see that, I quickly grab his elbow and shake my head. He has a wild look in his eyes, and for a moment I thought he was going to shake me off and continue.

Instead, Hancock let me pull him off the road and into the dark cloak of the forest. With my hand still on his elbow, I pull him down with me as I crouch. I struggle to see anything other than sudden blackness in the forest, which is almost comforting. If I can barely see, neither can the mutants. But luckily, I see an old and rusting trailer just a few yards out. Hancock follows my gaze and we slowly make our way towards it.

The crashing of the mutants’ feet on the asphalt seem to be approaching quicker than I hoped, so I briefly look behind us. They are too close to comfort, but they seem to be heading back towards to the city rather than out into the forest.  With my eyes in front of me again, Hancock and I arrive at the trailer.

We both slip in silently. Hancock stays at the door and watches the pack pass, “don’t think they saw us” he quietly says, “they’re headed the way we came.” I nod to myself, and begin scanning the small, cluttered trailer. Everything that might have been worth something has been picked clean. Now the floor is just covered with debris and random papers whose words have long faded. Hancock looks back at me, giving a me a look suggesting an all clear.

Suddenly, a smirk spread across his face, “you are just full of surprises, Sentinel.” My brows furrow at his continued use of my title, but he continues, “never seen a Brotherhood member pass up an opportunity to take out super mutants,” he chuckles to himself.

I snort a laugh, “I thought we made it pretty clear that I am not your average Brotherhood member” I say as I gesture to him. _Me traveling with you is enough grounds to have Kells dismiss me, permanently._

His smirk turns into a devilishly handsome smile, “and why is that?”

I flutter my eyelashes in an attempt to not be completely dazed by his smile, “Not your average,” I quickly backpedal. I didn’t want him to have high expectations of me being high and mighty, “mutants eat bullets, and I don’t have the caps to waste on the Brotherhood’s genocide protocol.” I pull my eyes away from him and pull my pack off my back.

Hancock settles on the wall in front of me and sits down, “being a soldier doesn’t pay well, then?” He says playfully.

“I traded my soul for a title, and nothing more,” I say bleakly. That was true, the Brotherhood only takes, and very rarely gives. Of course, there were caps to be made, at least enough to get by.

“You deserve better,” he murmurs as he pulls out a carton of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket.

I let these words sit in the small atmosphere of the rotting trailer so I can enjoy the unearned compliment. But I just shake my head and dismiss his kind words.

A question seems to linger on his lips for a long moment, like he is searching for the rights words to say. But there was no question in his voice when he says, “you don’t agree.”

I watch him bring a cigarette to his lips without lighting it, carefully watching me. I just shrug as I begin unbuckling my armor and dropping in on the floor, a little more dramatic than necessary. Hancock keeps his eyes on me as I come to sit next to him.

He hands me his cigarette and I take it out of his hands without hesitation. He pulls a gold-plated flip lighter out of the same pocket and lights it for me as I bring it to my lips. I inhale deeply, and can already feel a smile on my face.

I couldn’t hold in the smoke very long, and when I start laughing it comes out of my mouth choppily. Hancock’s face manages to look surprised and amused. He raises his eyebrows at me, waiting for an explanation.

I keep my eyes on the wall in front of us, “I’ve always seen that happen in movies” I begin, “guy lights girl cigarette. A true gentleman.” I smile wider and I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, “good to know chivalry survived the apocalypses.”

I hand him back his cigarette when he softly asks, “what was it like? Before the war?”

The smile on my face widens, “Much greener.” I turn my full attention to Hancock now, “and the air…” I inhale and close my eyes as the memories come back, “you could always tell what season it was. Spring was my favorite. Once the snow melted away and brought the scent of grass and florals.”


	4. Chapter 4

“I don’t miss it as much as I used to,” she sighed, “I used to think I woke up in a nightmare. I wondered when I would wake up. When I could go back _home_ … I wanted nothing more than to just go back to the way things were.”

She had a far off look in her eyes, but for the first time since she arrived back in Goodneighbor, she looked at peace. I took a long drag of my cigarette before cautiously saying, “but?”

“But…” She turns to me and her hazel eyes look so warm watching at me, “the Commonwealth is _home_.”

“You sound happy about that.”

She gently pushes me with her elbow, “don’t get me wrong, the Commonwealth is still a shithole.”

“You can say that again,” I say with another drag of my cigarette. I am itching to reach for my tin of ‘tats, but part of me wants to be fully coherent while I have her talking and not overanalyzing every word. I quickly scramble my mind to find something else to ask her, because I know she is going to want to sleep soon. But, I am not ready to let her go yet. I not ready to watch her backside in silence another day. _Still a great view, though…_

“What about you?” she asks quietly, “what’s home for you?”

“Goodneighbor has been the closest thing to home for more than a decade.”

“And before that?” _Curiously little thing,_ I suppress a laugh. 

“Diamond City.” I wasn’t looking at her, but her sudden movement made me turn to her. She looked literally taken back with shock. This time I laughed at her and couldn’t help but smile, “you’re surprised?” 

It only took her a second to regain her composure, “I know we only just got back together…” she lingers on that statement for a moment, but before I could question it she continues, “but Diamond City is the last place I would ever place you.”

“Rules were strict, but it was tolerable. At least back then,” I was watching her now. The greenlight coming from her Pip-Boy casted obscure shadows of her features, I couldn’t make out her expression. Last night she reached out for me… Now I am trying to convince myself that it was safe to do the same.

“But I thought they didn’t let…” She trailed off.

“I had a smooth set of skin back then and that was before McDonough kicked all the ghouls out.” I smashed the remains of my cigarette onto a nearby empty Nuka-Cola glass, feeling my eyes glaze over at the thought of my asshole brother.

I felt her shift beside me, and it was to place her hand on my arm. She so casually touched me when she said, “you’re telling me 10 years ago you weren’t a ghoul?” Danny said this quietly, in disbelief.

I tried to ignore her warmth seeping through my coat, “That’s right. An experimental drug turned me into a ghoul” I gestured to my face, unsure if she could make it out in the darkness. “One of a kind, one hit. And let me tell ya, it was a hit of a lifetime. The only downside… Immorality.” My laugh sounded foreign and empty to my ears.

She took her Pip-Boy off her wrist and placed it in front of us. She positioned herself so she was facing me. Now that the light wasn’t directed away from us, I could see the wonder in her eyes.  I couldn’t stop myself from asking, “what’s that look for?”

She smiled at my question, “I guess I just assumed you’ve been like this forever.” As her eyes searched my face, “and I’m trying to figure out if I would be able to recognize you with a nose,” she laughed.

“I doubt it,” her lightness was contagious. I would be lying if I pretended not to notice how woman used to throw themselves at me.

She hesitantly reached up and ran a finger over my jaw, “your faith in me hurts my feelings.” She fakes a pout, giving me an excuse to look at her lips. She shifts her weight so she is sitting on her knees, making her eye level with me.

She moves on to gently run her thumb over my brow bone and I close my eyes. _Damn, that feels good._ The soft skin on her fingers take advantage of my closed eyes to brush against my eyelids. No one I’ve been with as a ghoul has shown any interest in touching my face, _only other parts._  

“You’re sexy as hell now,” she says with an edge in her voice. My eyes fly open at her tone, I try to find some joke in her voice. _She means that_ _,_ I think to myself. “I can’t even begin to imagine you topping this.”

This is the part when I say something sarcastic or confident, like I would with anyone else. But _Christ..._ Coming from her I don’t even know how to react other than gawking at her. Even if I tried, I would have to clear my throat. And that would definitely show the effect she is having on me.

I keep watching her while I try to figure out something to say. She isn’t waiting, she just continues brushing her fingers along every inch of my face, almost like she didn’t even realize she said anything. “You’re a bit easier to look at,” I finally breathe.

I know she could hear the humor in my voice when she exhales a small laugh. Danny drops her hands, “we should probably get some rest.” I watch her stand and move to her pack, digging through and pulling out a tightly rolled bedroll.

“You go ahead, I’ll keep watch.” She nods without argument as she settles, laying facing away from me.

I slip out of the trailer into the night and decide to skip the mentats and go straight for the jet. Once I inhale, the blur and slowness melt away all other emotions. The seconds drag as I enjoy the high.

But once I start coming down, my mind instantly goes back to Danielle. The uncertainty in her eyes every time she reaches for me. I’m not sure what to make out of… What even the _hell_ is happening. Tonight, and last night.

She came back into my life and seeking redemption… or was it forgiveness? But, this feels like more than that. More than just righting wrongs. I’m not sure what she is looking for in me, but I could ask myself the same question. What was I doing out here with her?

 _Just sharping the ol_ _’_ _killer instinct,_ I tried to convince myself.  

I shake my head, trying to shake those thoughts away. I thought the jet would help me not over think the last 48 hours, but here I am. I lay my head back onto the trailer and look up at the stars. I decide to close my eyes, just for a second.

~

I am woken up by a nudge of my boots. I try to ignore it, but the nudging gets harder. My eyelids feel heavy. When I open my eyes, it’s so dark I can barely see in front of me. Not more than a couple of hours could have pasted. Once I realize that I am in the middle of the forest out in the open, my eyes fly open.

I look up to see Danny and that bright ass green light coming from her wrist. She still doesn’t have her armor on and what’s left of her hair looks disheveled. She kicks my boot one more time noticeable harder. “When you said keep watch, I didn’t think you meant the back of your eyelids.”

She is laughing when she reaches down to offer me her hand. I take her forearm and was caught off guard how strong she was. She practically yanked me to my feet, like I didn’t weigh anything. “Was I snoring?” she continues playfully as she hands me a canteen.

I gulp down a few mouthfuls of… _water_? Not what I was expecting, and hand it back to her, “do your snores usually chase people away?”

Her brows furrow, “Mac complained, but I never took him seriously.” Her eyes widen and she smiles sheepishly, “I didn’t actually chase you away, did I?”

“Nah, nothing like that.”  

She studies me for a brief moment and I think she is going to ask me why I’m sleeping out here. Instead, she flashes her perfectly straight, white teeth at me, “then why don’t you go inside and I’ll actually keep watch.”

That fucking smile was my breaking point. _Why over think this? Why am I wasting time trying to decide what her motives might be while she is right in front of me?_ With anyone else I wouldn’t hesitate. And she flies way above anyone I’ve ever met, like a damn pin up magazine.  

_Fuck it._

“Come with me,” I whisper. I watch her stiffen. “I’ve been out here for hours. If something was gonna sneak up on us, I’m sure it would have tried.”

I catch a glimpse of her biting her lip before she says, “well, of course not. I wouldn’t disturb a sleeping ghoul either. Could be feral.” Danny looks past me for a moment, “you know, that’s a pretty good defense…”

I narrow my eyes at her and smile, “So I got us covered,” I reach her shoulder. _Here goes nothing._ “no reason to stay out here in the cold.”

She looks at my hand, and then back at me. I tried to read her expression. Last time I unexpectedly touched her, it was more a reflex. I just didn’t want her to leave. It was a risk, I’m sure she could have easily taken me down… If she really wanted to. But she looked at me, kind of like she is now.

But this time, she has a different look in her eye. She doesn’t look caught off guard, she looks _cunning._ “And are you going to keep me warm, Hancock?”

“I have all the irradiated heat you could ask for.”

She bites her lip again and as she walks back into the trailer says, “well, how could a girl pass up an opportunity like that?”

I quickly follow her and close and lock the trailer door. I know this thing wouldn’t really keep anyone out, but I’m stalling. I turn around and I see her kicking off her boots, and when she catches me watching her she shifts her eyes and runs a hand through her hair.

I almost want to laugh at the sudden tenseness in the air, but I feel it too. Much easier to be confident when the walls aren’t closing in around you. I step towards her, then pass her to lay down on her bedroll and open my arms.

“I’m not sure what you’re playing at, Hancock,” she starts as she lays beside me. She rests her head on my shoulder and presses her body against mine, then looks up at me. She has a serious look in her eye, but it instantly melts away into another laugh.  

I wrap my arm around her and she continues just above a whisper, “well I was going to say it wasn’t working” I could feel her breath on my neck and I try to overpower the shiver running down my spine.

She plants a kiss on my jaw and props herself up on one elbow, “what _are_ you playing at?” Her face is an inch away from mine and I am thankful for that awful green light filling the room. The light shows all the features I want to commit to memory. The scars running down her face, her perfect small nose, the light dusting of freckles… and those damn lips.

I brush my thumb across them. Before I can make it from one corner to the other, she flashes those teeth again. I drag my fingers along the side of her shaved scalp, “I’ve decided I’m not going to fight whatever is happening here.”

“But for how long?” the sadness in her voice shot a shock through me. “What happens when you figure out I’m all wrong for you?”

_Not if, when._

“You think I’ll scare so easily?” She responds with a firm nod. “What are you so afraid of?” I hiss.

Her face contorts into another frown, “I’m a monster, John.”

She said is so matter-of-fact, there was no doubt in her voice. Destroying the Institute made her closer to a hero than a monster. “What makes you so convinced?” I have my hand on the back on her head now, tangled in her hair.  

I can see her eye twitch from the strain her grief is trolling on her. “How have you not heard?” she spits. _She doesn’t want to tell me_. _It would be easier for her if I figured it out for myself._

I know, deep down, I should keep asking her. I know I shouldn’t get invested in a girl who claims to be damned beyond redemption. But I’m not ready to let this go. There is something here, something I’m not ready to let slip through my fingers. I force her head back on to my shoulder and decide to live in ignorance, “just tell me when you’re ready.”

I didn’t notice she was so tense until she relaxed in my arms. Danny nods against my shoulder and the stress in the air fades as we both drift off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure about this chapter... Might replace all the angst with.. smut. More characters incoming though! yay! Tell me your thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

Once I started gaining consciousness, I didn’t want to open my eyes. Somehow the sunlight managed to get through the single, circular window on the door and fill the tiny room. It was bleeding through my eyes lids, making me see nothing but red. I tried to drag out the moments while I could, burying my face in what I remember being Hancock’s coat. _Leather and gunpowder,_ I never thought the combination could be so comforting.

It was still so quiet and I could hear Hancock’s even breathes beside me. I couldn’t tell if he was still asleep, but I just had to open my eyes to find out. I moved slowly, trying not to stir him, to look up at him. He was motionless, other than his chest gently rising and falling. I couldn’t bring myself to wake him, he just looked so peaceful.

I propped myself on my elbow, just like I had last night before he told me I couldn’t scare him away. I smiled at this thought, because I knew it was a lie. But I will live in this lie… For as long as I can manage. Because this ghoul sleeping under me, was someone I didn’t want to lose. _Selfish,_ I think to myself. Its dawning on me how selfish I truly am. I would rather hide the truth just so I can spend more time with him.

I happily sigh, not letting the future get a hold of me. At least not so early in the day. I notice his tricorn hat on his chest. I don’t remember him taking it off. I find myself smiling at Hancock while he sleeps and take this opportunity to reach out to softly brush a finger along his forehead. He still doesn’t move, still deeply asleep.

I couldn’t see much his face last night in the dark, but now… I could see every detail. The pockets and grooves covering his body caught the light and casted small shadows. His cheekbones were high and well defined, a square jaw that was sharp enough to cut. The features around his eyes managed to be soft. I meant what I said last night, he was sexy. It takes someone special to look gorgeous behind being completely covered my radiation burns.

His closed eye twitched as he started to wake up. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be caught watching him sleep. I realized I was cupping his cheek when I took my hand away and he groaned, “why is it so damn bright? Can someone turn that thing off?”

“You want to fight the sun?” I question softly, “I’ll put it on my to-do list.”

He groans again, but with enthusiasm rather than irritation, “we’re gonna fight the sun.”

When he opens his eyes, he finds my gaze immediately. We smile at each other. I fight the urge to plant a soft kiss on his lips, but I figured I shouldn’t try my luck. I decide it’s safer to lay back down on his shoulder. He doesn’t protest, just wraps his arm around me again. 

We laid like this for… I don’t know how long. Neither of us seemed to want to move, so I just listened to his breath again. It wasn’t often I enjoyed mornings, and this was too nice to just leave behind in a hurry to get back onto the road. In this moment, everything else just had to wait.

But once I felt hunger creeping up on me, I sat up. When I looked back at Hancock, he had a look in his eye like he wasn’t ready to leave yet. I smiled at this thought and tucked it away for later. _Him and I seem to be on the same wavelength._  

Digging through my pack I asked, “hungry?”

He immediately replies, “starving.”

I had a small contained full of jerkies, I’ve done this with most of my meats so I could stomach them. This way they all had the same texture and I didn’t have to think too hard about where it came from. 

I inch back over to Hancock and offer him the container. He sat up and opened it hesitantly. After a few moments of consideration, he picked up two pieces and handed it back to me. We both ate in silence until he asked, “where are we headed?”

Once I swallow am mouthful of jerky with the help of the water from my canteen, I offer it to him and say, “Northwest, to Sanctuary.”

He begrudgingly drinks some water and I continue, “we can stock up there and get word from my second.”

Hancock nods, but seems to be distant in thought. I watch him for a moment, but decide now is a good time to start putting my armor back on. I stand and my way over to my haphazard pile I left it in last night and begin pulling it onto me one piece at a time.

Once I clasp everything into place, I carelessly rake my fingers through my hair in an attempt to control it and turn back to Hancock. He is back on his feet and standing right in front of me. I don’t know how I managed not to notice until now, but he makes me feel so _small._ He towers over me, and I have to crane by neck to look up at him.

Being so close to him was easier in the darkness or when I clouded with grogginess… or drunk, like I was just a few nights ago. I was able to avoid this kind of reaction, the butterflies and the throbbing in my ears. Hancock lean down so he was in inch away from my face, “you spent the whole night in my arms, and now you’re nervous?”

I cleaned my throat, I know he was mocking me. “Nervous would be the wrong word.”

He boomed a laugh, “is that right?”

“Unguarded,” a flash of shock cross his face. I continued, “The walls I’ve built up… Its like you have a door right through them.”

When he steps forward, I tried to take a step back. But he stopped me by grabbing my arm and leaning in closer. I could feel his breath as he spoke, “and what’s stopping me from taking advantage of that?”

It wasn’t intimidating to stand on my toes, but he was so damn tall. “Why don’t you try?”

That devilish smile planted on his face was irresistible and I spoke before I could think better of it, “I’m not going to fight whatever is happening, either.”

I look the lapels of his coat and pulled myself onto him as I pressed my lips against his. He welcome it and firmly grabbed my waist. This wasn’t like the kiss we had at The Third Rail. This wasn’t me testing the limits and pulling away, I was fully committed. And knowing John was as well made it that much better when he parted his lips to slide his tongue against mine.

I slid my hands up his shoulders as our kiss deepened. I usually found the taste of those berry mentats sickening, but seeping through every corner of his mouth, they never tasted better. I pulled back for a fraction of a second to keep myself from unwinding under him, but his hand was on the back of my head pulling me back into him.

Our tongues found each other’s once more and a moan escaped my lips. This made his grip around my waist tighten and I could feel my knees getting weaker. I was wishing I didn’t put my armor back on, I wanted to feel his heat against me.

I pulled back again and was met with his ravenous eyes. “I’m not finished,” he playfully says 

 _Christ_ , I thought to myself. _He is absolutely intoxicating._

I peck one more kiss on his lips, “I couldn’t think of a better way to spend the day.”

“Why do I feel a but coming?” His eyebrows are pulled together, but a smile is still teasing the corners of his mouth.

“But, we’ve burned enough daylight.” I frame his face with my hands and put my forehead against his, “how about an IOU?”

“Don’t make promises you won’t keep,” he said this too seriously, it took me by surprise.

“I always keep my promises, John Hancock,” I hoped the bite I added to my words would make him understand this wasn’t a rejection. In his arms and his lips against me, definitely did make me want to forget my duties as General. A thought crossed my mind, “because if you get me started, I don’t think I’ll be able to let you stop.”

He laughed again, but let me go, “fine, fine” he dismissed.

I straightened up and tried to get myself together. I glanced at the door and then back at Hancock, “ready?”

“Let’s get this show on the road.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote ahead a lot. So now I am just trying to catch up with how far I wrote! Let me know your thoughts and I am very open to suggestions! Thanks for reading! :) 
> 
> And credit to a random post I saw awhile ago about Hancock wanting to fight the sun.


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